THE BEST FISH PIE RECIPE EVER!! PLEASE READ!!

Its not so much the recipe it self, but the way it is written! ! I wish I could take credit, but i cant. . found it on the net! !

SMOKED FISH PIE

I can already tell you’re an intelligent person, that deft flick of the mouse and the way you scroll and click. None of those tedious repetitive arrow key pushes, for you are the creme de la creme de la creme of the computer literati. Go on, wiggle that mouse again. Yes, I feel it too. And yet from all this I discern one inescapable brainwave pulsating across the ether, smoked fish pie. Why this should be eludes me, perhaps it’s the way Omega 3 from fish fortifies the myelin sheaths and raises the dopamingeric neurotransmission in the pre-frontal cortex. Perhaps it is because smoked fish pie is yummy. I could idly ponder this, but on any blog with comments I know the danger lurking behind rhetorical inquiry.

For the construction of said concoction one will need to purloin some smoked fish. You’re going to need about half a kilo of this happy product of combustion and piscine convergence. If you really like smoked fish, then use more fish. I like a blend of something a bit kicky like salmon and something with more substance and subtlety to bulk it out a bit, red cod was my choice on this occasion but just about anything will do. Now I know you can do wonderfully light and subtle concoctions in your whole fish pie genera, but this isn’t one of those. This is for people who are determined to rage against the dying of the light, even if it just means staying up late with a glow stick.

In choosing your fish, you can be a bit eco … pick something that isn’t on the endangered list, which is something that is getting harder and harder to do particularly with deep ocean species. To go one eco step further, grow the tree you are going to burn to smoke it with first. This step does push the preparation time out somewhat and it is bad etiquette to do this if you have guests waiting.

Modern fish construction you will find is accomplished with structural elements referred to by the populace as “bones”. Or “arrrgghhhhhrrrrcckkkkk” if they become apparent slightly aft of the tonsils. Seize your carp of the diem, and remove dem bones.

To balance the fishiness and make it even healthier, some virgin vegetables should be selected for ritual slaughter. Carrot and celery go well, peas and corn are good. I personally like the smoked fish with mushroom combo with the others playing bass and banging the drums in the background. I also like to chop up some onions and saute them with some balsamic vinegar. Your namby-pamby fish pies tend to treat everything very delicately and tell you not to colour the onion. Well bollocks to that, I like my onions caramelised and I defy anyone to give me a hand written note from a deity saying things were intended otherwise.

To what extent the garden should be pillaged depends on two important factors, how big you want the pie to be, and how much you like vegetables. I reckon about a couple of cups will keep away the scurvy, but prevent the neighbours from gossiping. Do not use brussel sprouts. That’s not just advice for this recipe, it’s advice for a life well lived. Don’t get me started on rice pudding.

You are going to need mashed potatoes to go on top, so grab a handful of those, render them towards the shy side of naked, and chuck them in the pot to cook separately first. If you need pointers on how to boil a spud I reckon I probably completely lost you back at the mention of balsamic vinegar or carrot. But it’s much like making a cup of potato tea and I’m sure there must be recipes for that on the internet.

Deal to the onions in a reasonably enthusiastic manner, but avoid trash talking to them while doing so, even if they do make you cry. To really carry off the kitchen trash talk you need to be a celebrity chef, and the chances of them reading this are slight. So don’t. You could try ghetto/Scottish/Latin to mix things up a bit – S’up ma wee allium? Can yo mama sew? Just don’t get carried away or you’ll start rapping and nine times out of ten that’s a bad idea. And the other time it’s a really bad idea, particularly if it involves rapping to bagpipes. Don’t tag your own kitchen no matter how clever it may seem at the time.

Toss the onions in a pan with some oil and a splash of balsamic when things are sizzling happily. I like to take them to the dark side. The balsamic will make things a bit darker, go with your heart on this. Flick the oven on about here, you’ll need it to be around 180C (350 F).

You’re going to need a white sauce kind of roux thing going on, about 50g of butter, 2 cups of milk and 1/3 a cup of flour should be about right. Melt the butter, add the flour and stir. Then add a bit of milk and stir it until the sloppy liquid has absorbed. Repeat until you get to a reasonably gloopy consistency. Throw in a quarter of a cup of white wine during this instead of some of the milk if you like. Just don’t get it too liquid or you will rue roux – something like a pancake mix is the destination I have in mind, as it cooks it thickens up a bit. Don’t be too concerned with some small lumps in there, there’s enough flavour that people will probably just assume they’ve got a bit of mushroom if the lumps even survive the baking phase. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the aspirant pie maker to define ‘small’ and ‘some’. If the roux is actually on fire then throw back another shandy, take a deep breath and give it another crack with the further objective of lessening the carbon footprint.

When you’ve got the roux near enough, drop in the veges and fish and onions. Add a little salt to bring out the flavour but not so much your cardiologist starts to cry. Stir like a depressed wildebeest. Snort and kick at the ground a bit too. Heat it through while stirring, don’t let it burn. Remove from the heat and get stuck into those spuds like a wildebeest of sunny disposition in comfortable circumstances. Mash em up with some butter and milk, you want them fairly spreadable so a little sloppier than your usual prize winning pomme de terre de chaussure. Lurrrrvely.

Right then, assemble your pie. Pour the pot of vege fish goo into the vessel of cremation. It should have a half inch of freeboard to contain juices that may erupt forth in manners that I can not be held responsible for and for which you indemnify me indemfinitely. Look, I wasn’t there, ok? It was just someone who used to look a bit like a friend of someone I once knew. Anyway, pop it in and using your latent concrete application skills get it roughly level on top. Apply the mashed potato. It’s probably best to blob on spoonfuls to get the rough coverage sorted then nudge them together with a fork and smooth over any holes in the coverage. Finally grate a bit of cheese to sprinkle over the top of the spud.

Pop it in the oven for about half an hour. It should be roughly the surface temperature of the sun when it comes out, with a cheesy goldy-ness on top. Let it stand for a few minutes to help it congeal. If you’ve gone overboard with the milk or wine in the roux then the contents are likely to be a bit sloppy, but it’ll still taste good. I’ll get out of your way now so you can ruminate on some serious mastication.

Did buzzy110 write this? ?

haha. . if you're referring to the length. . yes. . it is somewhat reminiscent of Buzzy110's posts! ! Its so well written though! !

hahhahaha- no, its actually humourous without the socially inept sarcastic and caustic overtone's. Good one, thanks for posting it #1

sounds like something Keith Floyd would write - I can just hear him saying all the above while tossing glass after glass of wine down his gullet! LOL! !

or a recipe from Simon and Minty from Posh Nosh where you learn to relax an avocado, bamboozle a parsnip and shave a fennel, all on a duvet of rice paper.

Good grief ! That sounds absolutely stunning, but I am so tired after trawling all the way through I'm afraid I won't be able to summon up enough energy to make it until tomorrow at least.

Thanks for posting it, stasi.

That was fun!

Very clever - this person has a lot of spare time! If you enjoy a well written recipe, have a look at The Pioneer Woman - hers is a great website and recipes always put a smile on the dial (actually, they are quite tasty too! ).