Carnage in the kitchen! Share your disasters!

Urghhh! In the cold light of day the results of my daughter's and my fudge-making episode last night look pretty grim.
It's a microwave salted caramel fudge recipe and although it doesn't say beat the mixture I always do and it's great.
This time she and I decided to follow the recipe to the letter and we ended up with a tray of sticky toffee.
Undaunted we scooped up the toffee, put it back in the bowl and into the microwave - then we tried to beat it. Bad move!
There are spots of toffee from here to kingdom come. All over our clothes and all over the kitchen. We were laughing so hard we couldn't even turn the electric beater off.
The fudge did turn into fudge but it's set in a huge lump and looks like dinosaur poo. Not sure how we're going to cut it!

Chef_wasala, Jun 15, 11:02 am

Probably with an axe . I've done something similar and yes it turns to dinosaur poo

Chef_bisloy, Jun 15, 11:56 am

Once added 1 tbsp of chilli to a recipe requiring 1 tsp.

Chef_lythande1, Jun 15, 2:46 pm

I remember my mum overdoing the cayenne pepper in some cheese scones once!

Chef_wasala, Jun 15, 2:47 pm

Yesterday I tried making the 4 ingredient fruit cake suitable for diabetics and exactly followed the recipe and it turned into a solid slab of flour and fruits ,no rising, nothing. This is the second time that had happened to me ,what a waste of fruits and time. I can make a normal fruit cake but this I cannot master. So disappointed.

Chef_moparpete, Jun 15, 2:53 pm

Can you post the recipe please?

Chef_buzzy110, Jun 15, 2:55 pm

You could try making this into a "bread & butter pudding" type thing ?. I've done this with fruit cake before and it was great

Chef_gertie, Jun 15, 3:13 pm

This morning I was making cookies with 6 yr old grandson. I rolled balls and put them on the tray and he pressed them with a fork. Until he pressed on one vry enthusiastically with the tray hanging over the edge of the bench and it flipped up and they all went flying. I had to laugh so that he wouldn't cry.

Chef_yjeva, Jun 15, 3:33 pm

Sensitive wee souls, aren't littlies? I once turned the oven on for a pizza only to discover when it was 220 degrees that I'd left a 2 litre container of honey in there.

Chef_hezwez, Jun 15, 3:39 pm


Chef_unknowndisorder, Jun 15, 3:44 pm

My other best one was the pumpkin soup I'd made for a dinner party. I put it back on the element to heat just as guests arrived and got distracted offering drinks. A few minutes later there was a geyser-like sound from the kitchen and we raced out to find bright orange soup all over the stove, the walls and even the ceiling. I simply handed out aprons to my guests and we proceeded to clean the kitchen from top to toe - aided by some fine bubbly. That must have been nearly thirty years ago and we still laugh about it!

Chef_wasala, Jun 15, 4:03 pm

Of course.

Chef_hezwez, Jun 15, 4:09 pm

That must have been fun!

Chef_wasala, Jun 15, 4:20 pm

Not exactly a disaster, more of a damned inconvenient mishap plus a mistake, really. I was having guests for dinner last night & was rushing to get some chocolate tarts into the oven & spilt most of a bowl of artichoke soup in my fridge . what a $#@! mess & it took ages to clean up & then to cap it off, the Helen Jackson recipe for the tarts (which I'd been meaning to make for a long time) was not to my taste at all . way too rich not very pleasant.

Chef_samanya, Jun 15, 4:50 pm

45yrs ago my parents had the builders in doing some work on the house so I thought I'd help Mum with making morning tea for them. I made plain scones which once baked had a green tinge to them. To this day we still laugh about it have no idea how it happened. The builders didn't care - they just covered them in butter & raspberry jam & ate the lot.

Chef_sue1955, Jun 15, 4:59 pm

In about 1910 my mother's two older siblings thought they'd 'help' with dinner. They stirred ash into the stew which had been left over the fire waiting for their parents to return from milking on a cold wet Taranaki evening. No CYPFs for smacked kids back then.

Chef_hezwez, Jun 15, 5:08 pm

Wow, that's a shame. Helen Jackson's recipes are usually very good!
What kind of tarts were they?

Chef_wasala, Jun 15, 5:14 pm

and they probably thought they were hash scones :)

Chef_unknowndisorder, Jun 15, 5:25 pm

At my daughters whipping cream for the pavs, several guests looking on, and forgot I was using her hand mixer not my own, lifted the beater up and went to eject the beaters by pushing the button on top as mine does but hers was the BOOST button and suddenly me and several guests were sporting whipped cream everywhere. Fortunately everyone saw the funny side.

Chef_camper18, Jun 15, 10:31 pm

I know, I like her recipes.
I owe Helen Jackson a very humble apology . I've been wondering why they were so bitter & guess who left out the sugar in the filling!

So Helen, if you see this, I hope i have put it right for you xoxox
This is the recipe

Chef_samanya, Jun 16, 11:29 am

I decided to be clever one day as I was off to the hairdressers and I knew I'd be there for a while. For the first time I thought I'd double my Chocolate Cake recipe and make two. One for the household and one for my trip to share at the hairdressers. Hmmmm So I set about it. They turned out lovely and high and I was quite proud of them both. Before I iced them (Thank God) I tried a few of the crumbs underneath the cooling rack. (YUCK). Might double the recipe but don't quite double the baking soda amount. Luckily I found out before I served it to anyone. I chucked them both outside as we usually have a few seagulls around even they wouldn't eat them.

Chef_kiwisportsgirl, Jun 16, 12:25 pm

The recipe was 1and 1/2 cup of coffee,500gms of mixed fruit,2 cups flour,1tsp baking powder. Soak the fruits in coffee,then gently mix in all the other ingredients,bake at 150c for 1 hr or till done.

Chef_moparpete, Jun 16, 1:21 pm

A friend of mine just pointed this thread out to me. Initially I was horrified and thought I should check the recipe to see what was wrong with it.
I was very relieved to see that it wasn't the recipe but the missing sugar that was to blame (well I hope so).

Chef_daisybel, Jun 16, 2:29 pm

Years ago newly married and just turned 18 I decided to cook my new husband roast lamb for dinner.
All went well until the gravy. I really had no idea what I was doing. Vaguely remembered Mum making gravy in the roasting pan, where she mixed a bit of flour in the bottom of pan and scraped up all the bits on the bottom then poured in some water off the vegetables.
Feeling so proud of myself because it all looked scrumptious, nicely cooked meat, if perhaps a tad overdone, crunchy roast veg, tender veg and lovely looking gravy.
Sounds impressive for person that had never really cooked much in her life eh.
The only problem was when the other half poured the gravy over his roast. it set! I forgot (didn't know) to empty the fat out of the pan before making the gravy. God it tasted foul. lol

Chef_jia5, Jun 16, 2:49 pm

Hi Helen, you can rest assured that it was my mistake, not yours . I was in a rush at the time & after wondering why it was a little bitter, today I rechecked the recipe & woke up to what I'd done. Everybody ate it, as the ice cream served it with counteracted the bitterness, so it wasn't a total failure & I didn't tell them it was one of your recipes, so your reputation around my dinner table is still intact & I hope after this thread people will know who was the dummy & it's not you!
Regards & keep up the good work.

Chef_samanya, Jun 16, 4:17 pm

Thank you. Will save this recipe and try it one day. I assume the fruit soaking in the coffee is left until it goes cold. Hot liquid added to flour can make flour dense (gluggy) and heavy.

Chef_buzzy110, Jun 17, 10:53 am

Only thing I can think of right now, was the time I cooked a huge fish pie for the shearers, and as it was placed on the back seat of the car, to take down to the shed, hot out of the oven, the foxie jumped up on to the seat and into the pie, he jumped out again real quick squealing like a mad thing.
Never told the shearers. there was only a couple of paw prints anyway
Gotta laugh or you'd cry :-)

Chef_rainrain1, Jun 17, 11:49 am

Oooh I have lots!

In fact currently I am testing recipes and I have a chocolate tart sitting in my fridge - been there for 5 days and STILL the centre has not set - simply formed a skin on the top and no go underneath - think I will call that a fail!

Chef_mooshiesmum, Jun 19, 9:42 am

Oh where do I start?
Roasting corned beef from frozen, adding in the potatoes and pumpkin and turning the entire meal into an inedible,salty mess. I was a young bride and the meat went straight into the oven from the freezer.

There has been many a disaster over the years as I went from novice to competence but I love cooking now.

Chef_eastie3, Jun 19, 10:54 am

Not mine but my mum's and not even sure its a cooking fail. Mum went to turn the oven on to cook the roast she was sure she had put in there. But earlier in the day she had put a frozen dog roll in the oven to begin to defrost (so it wouldn't sit on the bench) and it began to cook. Cooked dog roll covered in plastic is utterly disgusting. Both us and the dogs had takeaways.

Chef_fey, Jun 19, 12:59 pm

I had just left home at the tender age of 17 and moved in with my boyfriend (oh so many many moons ago! ) I roasted a corned silverside. thought I would impress him with my cooking ability. 35 years together now and I am pleased to say I haven't killed or poisoned him yet!

Chef_mrsrickp, Jun 19, 2:14 pm

my two most memorable:
A carrot cake that came out looking like a cow pat (a rubber one at that!). And in the UK they sell (or used to) minced meat with some kind of paper to absorb any excess blood underneath the meat. I forgot about this when I was making spaghetti bolognese once and when I was eating it I was thinking hmmm. something papery in here. i still ate it all. poor student days. it was my dinner for 4 or 5 meals! Still alive 20 years later!

Chef_jenjen76, Jun 19, 8:58 pm

One of my mother's friends made a sponge like that & her sons nailed it to the shearing shed wall!

Chef_samanya, Jun 19, 10:44 pm

Christmas lunch, had put extra stuffing into tinfoil plates and into oven before going to have a shower. Came out and realised I hadn't boiled the giblets for the gravy, so turned the heat on under them, then lifted out the cooked stuffing and sat it on the stove.

Back into the bathroom to apply makeup, but sniff, sniff, something burning. Oops, had turned on the wrong element and the stuffing was now in flames! Rushed to stove, grabbed a teatowel and lifted the tinfoil plates to throw them into the sink. Alas, the bottoms fell out and I now had flaming stuffing covering the stove, the sink, and the floor.

A plate put out the stove, a teatowel suffocated the flames in the sink, but help, how to extinguish the burning lino? Ah, the damp towel I was wearing!

Stark naked, the house full of smoke and the alarm blaring frantically, I made a rush for the bathroom before any neighbours turned up.

Christmas lunch was very successful, eventually.

Chef_deecee2, Jun 20, 6:29 pm

Is it true about Artichokes. I read a story about a person who invited some quite 'proper' people to a dinner party and served artichokes and the unfortunate result they have on people (smell wise) was most unfortunate as there was no one owning up. I must admit the only time I cooked artichokes (the knobby ones) the smell was enough for me and I could not use them.

Chef_karlymouse, Jun 20, 6:43 pm

karlymouse I didn't know about that artichoke smell, and I only yesterday learned from Barry Humphries autobiography that "Who opened their lunch?" is Aussie slang for "who farted?"

Chef_hezwez, Jun 20, 7:13 pm

I find the after effects of Jerusalem 'f'artichokes usually takes a while . like it's not instant, but I suppose if you served them as a 1st course if could be a problem. The soup I make is half & half, artichokes & carrots & I just love it, the taste is indefinable & delicious . I have given it to my vegetarian niece & she wasn't that keen. I guess it's like a lot of food, you either love it or loath it.

Chef_samanya, May 16, 3:00 pm

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